Stay up 'til four in the morning, and the tears are pouring, and I want to make it worth the fight.

It's strange just how comfortable I feel right now. For so long, even when things were going great, I felt like there was something more I always had to strive for. Sometimes you should keep your aspirations high, but don't keep wishing things were better. Because you'll miss what's already in front of you. It's been so crazy these past months. Probably from about July 2006 onwards. I've noticed so many changes with myself, and for the first time in a long time I feel like I've grown significantly.

A lot of it had to do with my aunt's death. So much can change within such a short amount of time. February 2006 my aunt is diagnosed with cancer, and nine months later she is dead. How could any of us anticipated that?

You can't live life being bitter, putting people down, or worrying over insignificant things. I'm noticing that I do those things, and I'm trying to overcome that. Sure, there are people around me that I don't like, but at the end of the day what do I accomplish by bad-mouthing them? Absolutely nothing. I just need to accept their personalities and, if anything, just ignore them and keep being myself. And why be bitter? It's all right to be upset, but I have to learn to stop and think about just how monumental this setback is. If it's nothing that I'm going to care about two days from now, why should I be upset over it? And if it's not something I can brush under the rug, then address it and attempt to solve it.

I've also learned a lot since my cousin Sara had her baby. Seeing how little Elena has brought so much light to our family after we were grieving for my aunt is truly a miracle. My grandmother says that God planned it all out- my aunt and Elena were both born in January, and Elena was brought to us so soon after my aunt's death to remind us that life does go on in the face of death. That's a bit philosophical and religious for someone like me, but I completely agree with my grandmother.

I'm so happy with the people in my life. I've rekindled friendships over the past few months, and established new ones along the way. I couldn't be happier that people like Brittany, Pappas, Annie, Michael, Stevi, and others that I can't seem to think of right now are my closest friends...considering right after high school ended I felt like I had grown apart from most of them for good. It just goes to show that the people who are meant to be in your life are the ones that will make their way back when you least expect it. I'm so happy that I've met Brandon and that our lives have just fit together in the right places.

In short, do what makes you happy. Do what you feel is right for you, regardless of what other people say. Your friends and family are there to guide you and support you, but ultimately the decisions are sitting in your hands. Make the best of it. Laugh a lot. Travel. Be lazy more than once in a while. Eat a lot. Just live the way you want.