I've decided

I've decided that the time has come for me to step out of my comfort zone and make something interesting and rewarding out of my life. I realized the other night after having another self-pity party that right now, there's nothing holding me back here. There's nothing left for me here right now. I have my closest friends, of course, who will always be there, I have my family, also, and they will always be there. But there is no urgent need for me to stay right now. If anything, they probably want me to get up and get out and explore the world, for they understand how intelligent and how passionate I am, and they want to see me pursue those endeavors. They know my desires to travel and pursue my interests in history and in the world, and they want me to have the chance to do those things now, when the time is right and when I have the freedom to do them.

I've finally reached the point where I'm done holding back. I've realized that the reason I've been holding back, the reason I've been maintaining the status quo ever since graduation is because I've been scared. I've been scared of moving on, of placing myself in new and uncomfortable settings. But that's part of growing up, of gaining experience, of building up character. The other night when I was thinking about all this was finally my epiphany. I don't need to stay here anymore. Am I still scared? Of course I am. But I'm no longer finding excuses or reasons to stay behind while others move forward with their lives. I have to move forward as well.

So I've decided within the year I'm going to find some program where I can study abroad. Preferrably in Europe, of course, because I've always felt somewhat European at heart my entire life. Bizarre as that might sound. I feel going to Europe will truly develop my character and I'll truly discover who I am there. I'd prefer Spain, because the language barrier wouldn't be as difficult since I already speak a good amount of Spanish. I'd also like France, and the UK has always been a dreamhome of mine. Any of these places.

But I'm serious about this. Dead, 100% serious. I'm going to step up, I'm going to go for this, I'm going to work for this. I have to do it. Now is my chance.