Maybe I need sleep.

I am so tired that I think it's causing my mind to run into overdrive. There's just so much that I'm thinking about. Everything from school and work and family to friends and Brandon.

School: School is stressful. Aaarrrrggghhhh. But oh well, I like school.

Work: Work is stressful. Aaaarrrrggghhhh. I hate how much sleep I lose because of this job.

Family: I wish I could spend more time with my mom. I feel like she hasn't been terribly happy lately, for some reason. I wish I could see if this is true. And I miss my grandparents so much...even though I saw them yesterday. I just miss seeing them every single day when I was younger and living with them. When they're around I feel like I can be a kid and they'll baby me and sometimes it's nice to be babied.

Friends: I love my friends to death. But for a while now I feel like I am looking for different things than a lot of them. It's really weird, that pretty much since I've turned 21 I have had little interest in drinking or partying, and I know most of my friends aren't out of control and I don't look down upon any of them, but I'm realizing more and more that it's just not my thing. Obviously I've gotten fairly drunk a few times recently and it's been in good fun, but the thing is I only want to keep it to a few times here and there. I can't do every weekend go to a party and throw back some drinks. I can't. And I'm not interested in hanging out somewhere where everyone's drunk and partying and I'm just not in the mood for it. I haven't been in the mood for it. I'd rather sit around and talk, laugh, or go out and play sports, or watch movies. I feel really torn about things because I want to enjoy being 21 and having fun, but I feel like I just want to do it in different ways, and not many people that I have in my life are into that as much as I am.

Brandon: I love him, and I'm happy with him, and there's nothing wrong there. Just sometimes I wonder if we're on the same page in terms of what we want out of each other. And this isn't the first time this thought has come up, so I know it's not something I can shake off but it's not something I should bring out when the past couple weeks it's been going so smoothly between us. I just have to continue thinking about why this keeps coming up and thinking about what it is I'm really looking for.

I wish I could sleep right now.