Here's what scares me. My gut feeling.
Most people's gut feelings are right on a majority of occassions. Mine is no exception. Now that I look back on it, I realize that each of the times a guy has broken up with me, I could feel something beforehand. It happened with Spencer, it happened with Matt, who were the two boyfriends of mine that dumped me in the end.
I'm not saying I feel like it's going to happen with me and Brandon, but I definitely feel like something is off between us, ever since he returned from Canada. When he got back I was envisioning us being totally excited and thrilled to see each other again, and the first night he was back it definitely was.
Since then, however...not so much. It hasn't been bad, but it just hasn't been very warm. As a matter of fact it's felt cold. When we've been alone together these past couple of days, I don't know...it feels weird. I told him a couple of days ago that I think it's been different since he's been back, and he says nothing is wrong with him and everything is fine. I was moody a few times earlier this week and he said that's the only thing that he's noticed, but even on my birthday and yesterday when I was in a good mood I just felt like he wasn't really all there.
Last night I don't know why or how, but I just got really upset and just sat and cried to myself in bed. I kept thinking what happens if he does break up with me, and I kept thinking to myself that something just didn't feel right. It was my gut. My gut keeps telling me this, and I can't ignore it. He's at Magic Mountain today so I can't talk to him. I want to talk to him but I feel like since we already had a talk earlier this week about it, he might think I'm being overly emotional or paranoid.
I just want to know everything will be all right.
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2 comments:
i have had the same feeling you are having now. this was about.... 3 months ago? maybe? well anyway... it was all i could think about and i was so so so scared. but after a while it just faded out. i realized that everything was in fact, ok. the tension i thought i felt was because we were taking each other for granted. i'm not saying this is exactly your answer, but when it was me, it was so subtle and well hidden that neither of us knew what was going on between us. but now that i have figured it out everything is as it should be. don't try to rush the answer, but do try to uncover what it is that is bothering you. it may be so deep-rooted that you honestly can't see it from the surface. but once you figure it out it will be so much better. good luck bubbaloo
i agree with kenna...i dont doubt ur gut feeling is wrong...but maybe its not what u think it means? just take a few minutes to breathe and calm down...brandon cares for you and you for him...both of you should be willing to sit down and figure it out. not that you will fix it immediately...but you can def put ur mind at ease. i know this shit is hard but i also know that relationship couldn't be as sweet if they were any other way. mine may have failed but before that they were some of the best times of my life. and i wouldn't trade them for the world. so live life, take nothing for granted, and enjoy the love you share :)
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