It is the last day of April, which means...we are just THAT much closer to summer. Just have to get through May and then it will be June, and life is always pretty damn good in the summertime.
Seriously, when I think about it, summer is always good for me. Even if not much else went right during previous years, I always can say that summer went well. Let's reflect...
2002: This was unquestionably the best summer of my life. Previously, it was the summer of 1998, which was the summer I graduated from sixth grade and basically spent every day with my cousins. But summer 2002 lives on as "that summer". Every day hanging out at either Brittany's house or Annie's house, we were old enough to drive but not old enough to get jobs yet, hahaha. So many awesome memories from that summer.
2003: I remember in one of my old Livejournal entries from this time, I mentioned that summer '03 wasn't terribly exciting. But now that I look back, it actually was a fun summer. Did another stint spotlighting for SCCMT, which was always fun, summer school was shockingly better than I thought. Oh and "Pirates of the Caribbean" came out, which I saw FIVE times in the theaters. Nothing major might have happened, but it was still fun.
2004: Summer 2004 was the ultimate summer- the summer after high school. It was the summer of the Posse, we were completely inseperable. It was the summer I turned 18, which (at the time) was a pretty big deal, and it was my first trip to Hawaii. Which ended up being the best vacation I've ever been on. If 2002 was the best summer, and 1998 was originally the best summer, then 2004 comes in third.
2005: Like 2003, I remember thinking when it was over that summer 2005 was kind of boring. But recently I was hanging out with Leslie, and we both agreed that summer 2005 was actually a great summer. Lauren and Leslie had moved into their apartment, which provided the ultimate hang-out for the Posse. I had started hanging out with Brittany and that whole group again- we had a kick ass Fourth of July barbecue. Stephanie and I started being friends that summer. Stephanie, AJ, Brent, Melissa and myself all hung out a lot. I had my awesome 19th birthday party at my house- definitely the best party I've had. My grandparents' 50th anniversary was the weekend after that, and the weekend after THAT I went to Vegas with my parents and the twins. So it was definitely a great summer.
2006: As of right now, I don't look back on 2006 as a good year. Started off with the discovery of my aunt's tumor in February, losing my job in May, being broke and jobless for the first half of the summer, then recovering slightly in the fall only to get worse when my aunt died in November, and then a couple financial problems along the way. But summer was actually not that bad. Even if I didn't have a job until July and didn't have much money to spend as a result, it was actually nice to be kind of lazy. Also, my summer school class with Alyse and Lauren ended up being kind of fun, and though the barbecue I had at my house turned into me getting frustrated and angry with my siblings, it was still nice to have a bunch of my friends together. And my 20th birthday dinner at BJ's was fun also. So back to my original point- even if the entire year was overall crappy, summer is still a rather bright spot.
It looks like this summer should be another good one. It's already going well- I finally have a relationship that is going just awesome. I'll be turning 21, and I'm looking forward to having an awesome time with my friends and my boyfriend.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Family.
Just a few things on my mind.
After Brandon told his mom about his relationship with me, it really made me think- if he cares about me that much to want to include his family on this, then why shouldn't I be able to do the same with mine? Since I'm at work right now and don't have time to talk on the phone, I decided to email my sister Stephanie and tell her about me and my relationship with Brandon. So really, it's my first official formal declaration to a member of my family other than my parents about my sexuality. I assume they all know, that's not something I deny in the least, but I've never actually said "Hey Stephanie, or Hey Peter, I like dudes". But I know I can talk to Stephanie about a lot of things. I tend to underestimate her, because a lot of times I look at her as being kind of dumb, which is awful and I need to not think that way. She's my sister, and though she might not be necessarily intellectually gifted, she is a genuine, sincere person. What she lacks in smarts, she makes up for with her heart, and I feel like when it comes to personal issues she has surprisingly good insight. So that's why I felt like she is the first person in my family to go to. Plus, she works with my mom and is with her more than anyone else (other than my dad, obviously), and I want to know how she thinks my mom would feel about this. I want my mom to know about my relationship and to see how happy I am, and to see what a great person he is, and I think my sister can give me good insight into how my mom might take it. We'll see.
After Brandon told his mom about his relationship with me, it really made me think- if he cares about me that much to want to include his family on this, then why shouldn't I be able to do the same with mine? Since I'm at work right now and don't have time to talk on the phone, I decided to email my sister Stephanie and tell her about me and my relationship with Brandon. So really, it's my first official formal declaration to a member of my family other than my parents about my sexuality. I assume they all know, that's not something I deny in the least, but I've never actually said "Hey Stephanie, or Hey Peter, I like dudes". But I know I can talk to Stephanie about a lot of things. I tend to underestimate her, because a lot of times I look at her as being kind of dumb, which is awful and I need to not think that way. She's my sister, and though she might not be necessarily intellectually gifted, she is a genuine, sincere person. What she lacks in smarts, she makes up for with her heart, and I feel like when it comes to personal issues she has surprisingly good insight. So that's why I felt like she is the first person in my family to go to. Plus, she works with my mom and is with her more than anyone else (other than my dad, obviously), and I want to know how she thinks my mom would feel about this. I want my mom to know about my relationship and to see how happy I am, and to see what a great person he is, and I think my sister can give me good insight into how my mom might take it. We'll see.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Smiles.
I had a very nice Sunday. It was my brother and sister's birthday on Saturday, so yesterday they had a bowling party. Each of them had a few friends there, my grandparents were there, my Aunt Dede and my cousin Erica were there, and my sister and her boyfriend also. It ended up being a fun time. I like spending time with my family...as crazy as they drive me sometimes, in the end I love them to death and they are a lot of fun.
Then afterwards, I came home for a little bit, fed my brother, then went and got Brandon. Earlier that day he said he had something to tell me, and it was good news. So what's the good news? He told his mom that morning about us. He told her we were in a relationship and we were getting pretty serious, and that she was completely fine with it. In fact, she said that I would be welcome to come over and she would love to meet me. So after we went to Border's so he could spend a gift card, he called his mom and asked if I could come for dinner. And she said yes. I was completely surprised at how it went. I was thinking she would be really skeptical about me, would be analyzing me top-to-bottom or would be kind of cold and awkward, but she turned out to be very friendly and very welcoming. Brandon and I hung out in his room for most of the night, and she had no problem with that. I think I made a good impression. As usual I was polite, well-mannered, thanked her twice for dinner. She said if there was something I didn't like I didn't have to eat it, but I told her all of it was very good and I cleaned out the entire plate, so I think that was another point-scorer. Overall a very nice day, started with my family and ended with my boyfriend. Couldn't ask for anything better.
ALSO! In about an hour I am heading over to a job interview. It's with this interior design company and they're looking for an office assistant to the designers, so we'll see how that goes. Wish me luck! Hopefully they'll pay very well so I can quit the Hilton and not work shit hours and make more money.
Then afterwards, I came home for a little bit, fed my brother, then went and got Brandon. Earlier that day he said he had something to tell me, and it was good news. So what's the good news? He told his mom that morning about us. He told her we were in a relationship and we were getting pretty serious, and that she was completely fine with it. In fact, she said that I would be welcome to come over and she would love to meet me. So after we went to Border's so he could spend a gift card, he called his mom and asked if I could come for dinner. And she said yes. I was completely surprised at how it went. I was thinking she would be really skeptical about me, would be analyzing me top-to-bottom or would be kind of cold and awkward, but she turned out to be very friendly and very welcoming. Brandon and I hung out in his room for most of the night, and she had no problem with that. I think I made a good impression. As usual I was polite, well-mannered, thanked her twice for dinner. She said if there was something I didn't like I didn't have to eat it, but I told her all of it was very good and I cleaned out the entire plate, so I think that was another point-scorer. Overall a very nice day, started with my family and ended with my boyfriend. Couldn't ask for anything better.
ALSO! In about an hour I am heading over to a job interview. It's with this interior design company and they're looking for an office assistant to the designers, so we'll see how that goes. Wish me luck! Hopefully they'll pay very well so I can quit the Hilton and not work shit hours and make more money.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Another update.
Today is my first day off this week, which is nice. I spent the afternoon with my love Brandon, who is currently in his ROP class. It's kind of weird how this relationship is coming along, though that's an entirely good type of weird. I'm just not used to this, having someone that I care about and having them care about me right back. But it's awesome, for a severe lack of a better word. He told me he loves me, and at first I thought it was too soon for that (only been two months, come on now). But the more I thought about it, and when I thought of his absolute sincerity when he said it, I realized it doesn't matter how long it's been. When you know, you just know. Since we've taken our time with everything so far, it feels like now we're done with holding back and there's no need for us to keep testing the waters with each other. We both know we're in love, as crazy as it might sound. We just know it.
He told me he's thought about what it would be like if we lived together. Don't get me wrong, we're not planning on this soon (again, it's only been two months), but if we're together a year from now, we would both be more than ready to move in with each other. It's just weird how this all is taking off. One minute I'm completely single, no plans for a serious relationship of any kind, and now here I am talking about moving in with my boyfriend. It's crazy, but all the same it just feels right. It feels so natural, like he was the person I have been supposed to meet all this time. Without a doubt, this is already the most serious relationship I've ever been in, and it's my first adult relationship, away from high school (well, for me anyway, considering he's still IN high school for another month and a half).
So I don't know what's going to happen, but it's fun nonetheless to play with ideas and just have fun with it. For example, if we move in together in about a year, I'll more than likely be getting ready for Fullerton and he wants to go to FIDM. So we could move down to Orange County (Stevi goes to FIDM and she lives in Irvine, so clearly it's do-able). Even if I'm not accepted to Fullerton just yet, I'd still move and finish up the necessary classes at a JC down in Orange County. AGH. This is so crazy, but it's just fun to think about. Imagine me, living down in Orange County, with my boyfriend, just doing what I think is right for me. I think that's the reason why I'm so into this relationship, because it's so not what's expected of me.
He told me he's thought about what it would be like if we lived together. Don't get me wrong, we're not planning on this soon (again, it's only been two months), but if we're together a year from now, we would both be more than ready to move in with each other. It's just weird how this all is taking off. One minute I'm completely single, no plans for a serious relationship of any kind, and now here I am talking about moving in with my boyfriend. It's crazy, but all the same it just feels right. It feels so natural, like he was the person I have been supposed to meet all this time. Without a doubt, this is already the most serious relationship I've ever been in, and it's my first adult relationship, away from high school (well, for me anyway, considering he's still IN high school for another month and a half).
So I don't know what's going to happen, but it's fun nonetheless to play with ideas and just have fun with it. For example, if we move in together in about a year, I'll more than likely be getting ready for Fullerton and he wants to go to FIDM. So we could move down to Orange County (Stevi goes to FIDM and she lives in Irvine, so clearly it's do-able). Even if I'm not accepted to Fullerton just yet, I'd still move and finish up the necessary classes at a JC down in Orange County. AGH. This is so crazy, but it's just fun to think about. Imagine me, living down in Orange County, with my boyfriend, just doing what I think is right for me. I think that's the reason why I'm so into this relationship, because it's so not what's expected of me.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Stuff.
I'm at work right now on my break. Just waiting for it to be 9:30 already so I can high-tail it over to Brittany's house and party on down with my friends.
I hate when there's something I'm really excited about, i.e. this party tonight, and I'm stuck at work. It makes it go by even slower. Anyway, it should be an awesome night. I made two kick-ass party mixes which I think everyone will enjoy. Everyone will at least like a handful of all these songs. A bit of pop, a bit of rap, a bit of indie rock, a few old school jams from the '80s and '90s, a bit of British pop that I love. Should be good fun. I think it's a very well-rounded mix.
Anyway, Brandon is my boyfriend now. I'm excited about that. How much of a pathetic dork am I? I was excited about being able to change my Myspace to "in a relationship" for the first time ever. Wow. That's when you know the Myspace generation has gone too far.
Still weighing my options with school. I really just want to take this summer off and not go back in the fall. I just have no desire whatsoever to do school this year. Next winter for sure, I'm absolutely going back and going back with a vengeance to kick ass and get my ass into Fullerton. Right now I just know I don't have my focus on it and I know I won't do good if I keep spinning my wheels just coasting through. I really do need a break. It's not like I'm 25 and I've been at COC for six years. I think I can allow myself at least one break to prepare for the long haul.
I hate when there's something I'm really excited about, i.e. this party tonight, and I'm stuck at work. It makes it go by even slower. Anyway, it should be an awesome night. I made two kick-ass party mixes which I think everyone will enjoy. Everyone will at least like a handful of all these songs. A bit of pop, a bit of rap, a bit of indie rock, a few old school jams from the '80s and '90s, a bit of British pop that I love. Should be good fun. I think it's a very well-rounded mix.
Anyway, Brandon is my boyfriend now. I'm excited about that. How much of a pathetic dork am I? I was excited about being able to change my Myspace to "in a relationship" for the first time ever. Wow. That's when you know the Myspace generation has gone too far.
Still weighing my options with school. I really just want to take this summer off and not go back in the fall. I just have no desire whatsoever to do school this year. Next winter for sure, I'm absolutely going back and going back with a vengeance to kick ass and get my ass into Fullerton. Right now I just know I don't have my focus on it and I know I won't do good if I keep spinning my wheels just coasting through. I really do need a break. It's not like I'm 25 and I've been at COC for six years. I think I can allow myself at least one break to prepare for the long haul.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
School.
I'm just really burnt out on school right now. I've always told myself that I would never drop out of school or stop going at any time, but honestly I'm just not into it. I really want to be financially secure, and I definitely don't feel like I am at the moment. I have so much I have to pay for- my car, insurance, gas, phone bill, paying my parents for keeping my gym membership. And I know much of them are things I can do without, i.e. the gym membership or having such an expensive car payment, but at the same time those are things I WANT to keep. I like my car, so I'd rather keep that and make the high payments. I like having a gym membership, so I'd rather keep that and pay my parents $30 a month to keep going and keep my body in shape (besides, $30 a month for a gym membership is not bad at all).
The issue with school is I just don't have my heart set on it at this present time. I know I want to finish college and it's something I will definitely do, but honestly I just want to breathe, save up some money, come up with a plan and then go back to school when I feel ready and when I feel organized. I just don't feel organized in that department right now.
Just because I'm taking some time off does not mean I'm never going back to school. At the most, it would only be a semester. I would just like to work a lot, save up money, so that when I do go back I just finish up the classes I need, apply to the universities, and then I'll have money saved up so that I can pay as much as I can for the university and also to move out when I transfer. I don't feel prepared to transfer, and I truly think I need a break to clear my head, get my focus back on school and get my finances straight so that I'll be ready for the university.
The issue with school is I just don't have my heart set on it at this present time. I know I want to finish college and it's something I will definitely do, but honestly I just want to breathe, save up some money, come up with a plan and then go back to school when I feel ready and when I feel organized. I just don't feel organized in that department right now.
Just because I'm taking some time off does not mean I'm never going back to school. At the most, it would only be a semester. I would just like to work a lot, save up money, so that when I do go back I just finish up the classes I need, apply to the universities, and then I'll have money saved up so that I can pay as much as I can for the university and also to move out when I transfer. I don't feel prepared to transfer, and I truly think I need a break to clear my head, get my focus back on school and get my finances straight so that I'll be ready for the university.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Rundown of America's Top 10 Singles.
1. Akon "Don't Matter" = Crap.
2. Gwen Stefani featuring Akon "The Sweet Escape" = Crap.
3. Mims "This Is Why I'm Hot" = Crap.
4. Fergie "Glamorous" = Crap.
5. Avril Lavigne "Girlfriend" = SHOULD BE CRAP, but actually, I'm slightly starting to like it. Dear Lord what the shit is wrong with me?!?! First I'm liking the new Hilary Duff song, now I might be showing affectations for Avril?!?!?!?! I need to die.
6. Beyonce and Shakira "Beautiful Liar" = Crap.
7. Gym Class Heroes "Cupid's Chokehold" = Crap.
8. Justin Timberlake "What Goes Around...Comes Around" = Slightly crap. Mostly because I don't like "ballads".
9. Daughtry "It's Not Over" = Kind of crap.
10. Diddy featuring Keyshia Cole "Last Night" = Never heard it, but it's definitely got to be crap.
What have we learned this week? People named Akon are inexplicably on top of the charts lately, despite overwhelming evidence that they are absolute shit. And Avril Lavigne needs to not put out a good song because I cannot afford to have my preserved opinion of her shot down.
2. Gwen Stefani featuring Akon "The Sweet Escape" = Crap.
3. Mims "This Is Why I'm Hot" = Crap.
4. Fergie "Glamorous" = Crap.
5. Avril Lavigne "Girlfriend" = SHOULD BE CRAP, but actually, I'm slightly starting to like it. Dear Lord what the shit is wrong with me?!?! First I'm liking the new Hilary Duff song, now I might be showing affectations for Avril?!?!?!?! I need to die.
6. Beyonce and Shakira "Beautiful Liar" = Crap.
7. Gym Class Heroes "Cupid's Chokehold" = Crap.
8. Justin Timberlake "What Goes Around...Comes Around" = Slightly crap. Mostly because I don't like "ballads".
9. Daughtry "It's Not Over" = Kind of crap.
10. Diddy featuring Keyshia Cole "Last Night" = Never heard it, but it's definitely got to be crap.
What have we learned this week? People named Akon are inexplicably on top of the charts lately, despite overwhelming evidence that they are absolute shit. And Avril Lavigne needs to not put out a good song because I cannot afford to have my preserved opinion of her shot down.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Push the button.
I think this song just kind of describes how I'm feeling at the moment. It's nothing bad, because I'm very happy at the moment. Just something on my mind I feel like expressing.
Sugababes "Push the Button"
Busy throwing hints that he keeps missing
Don't have to think about it, I want to kiss and everything around it
But he's too distant
I want to feel his body, I can't resist it
I know my hidden looks can be decieving
But how obvious should a boy be?
I was taken by the early conversation piece
And I really like the way that he respects me
I've been waiting patiently for him to come and get it
I wonder if he knows that he could say it and I'm with it
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Catch this opportunity so you and me could feel it, cos
If you're ready for me, boy
You better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control
I'm busy showing him what he's been missing
I'm kind of showing off, want his full attention
My sexy ass has got him in the new dimension
Ready to do something to relieve this mission
After waiting patiently for him to come and get it
He came on through and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it, cos
If you're ready for me, boy
You better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control
I'm telling you, this song perfectly describes what I'm thinking right now. Last night we spent the night together and talked for a bit about us. We both agreed that we kind of liked not having a title, that what's going on between us is just going the way it's going. I'm realizing now that wanting to have him as my boyfriend is just a form of insurance on my part- if he's my boyfriend then he's attached to me. Now, it's not important, because I know he cares about me and I know we have something special that neither of us want to walk away from.
This post, however, is the little devil inside of me that just wants him to get nasty with me for Christ's sake. We don't even have to have sex, dammit just a prolonged, intense make-out session will more than satisfy me.
Sugababes "Push the Button"
Busy throwing hints that he keeps missing
Don't have to think about it, I want to kiss and everything around it
But he's too distant
I want to feel his body, I can't resist it
I know my hidden looks can be decieving
But how obvious should a boy be?
I was taken by the early conversation piece
And I really like the way that he respects me
I've been waiting patiently for him to come and get it
I wonder if he knows that he could say it and I'm with it
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Catch this opportunity so you and me could feel it, cos
If you're ready for me, boy
You better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control
I'm busy showing him what he's been missing
I'm kind of showing off, want his full attention
My sexy ass has got him in the new dimension
Ready to do something to relieve this mission
After waiting patiently for him to come and get it
He came on through and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it, cos
If you're ready for me, boy
You better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control
I'm telling you, this song perfectly describes what I'm thinking right now. Last night we spent the night together and talked for a bit about us. We both agreed that we kind of liked not having a title, that what's going on between us is just going the way it's going. I'm realizing now that wanting to have him as my boyfriend is just a form of insurance on my part- if he's my boyfriend then he's attached to me. Now, it's not important, because I know he cares about me and I know we have something special that neither of us want to walk away from.
This post, however, is the little devil inside of me that just wants him to get nasty with me for Christ's sake. We don't even have to have sex, dammit just a prolonged, intense make-out session will more than satisfy me.
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