Two years later.

Oh hayyyy...

Quick update on life =

1. Still with the boyfriend. We're doing the "long distance thing", as in he lives 80 miles away up at UC Santa Barbara but I've still seen him every single weekend since he moved up there so let's be honest, it's not really that long distance. I guess he's just my weekend boyfriend LOL #fuckim26.

2. I'm in my second semester at Cal State Northridge, currently procrastinating on a 15-page research paper on Franklin Roosevelt's dealings with Yugoslavia during World War II LOL #fuckim26.

3. LOOK AT THIS PICTURE. Is it just me or can you spot about 4 GRAY HAIRS in this? #fuckim26.

4. Last time I posted here my sister had just gotten married. Now she has a daughter, a.k.a the grand princess of the universe who is my little schnookums baby carrot peach pie. 

5. I no longer work at Embassy Suites (BLESSINGS). Instead I now work part-time at this property management company and I get weekends off PLUS on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years I will get a FOUR day weekend on each of those, so just excuse me while I get this dirt off my shoulder, etc.  

6. One of my closest friends from high school is getting married next week and overall it's contributing to this feeling I've been having lately, like some sort of gay equivalent of biological clock ticking? Not biological clock but more like marital clock (YES I'M BEING GAY AND WANT TO GET MARRIED OH GOD STOP IT STOP IT RIGHT NOW), but at least I have the sensibility to realize that before I do any of that nonsense I need to a) have money, which I don't, b) have a career, which I don't, c) live on my own, which I'm not (#fuckim26 etc.). Really the only thing I have going for me in terms of this wanting to get married nonsense is that I at least have a person I could reasonably see myself taking this step with, but the problem is the reasons I just listed above all apply to him also. So...sorry guys, My Big Fat Gay Wedding will have to be postponed for a few more years. 

7. Anyway, I'm going to get back to this paper, which really means I'm going to drink wine and watch American Dad. 

Oh dang...

Not like anyone reads this anymore but I figure I'd update, albeit out of pure boredom.

Let's see, what's happened since my last update, eleven months ago....

Well in my last post I expressed some confusion over my reunion with a certain former boyfriend of mine. Yeah, that lasted all of a week or so until I realized that I had worked hard at moving on from that relationship for over two years and I needed to keep that momentum going. I know I'm a sucker for nostalgia, but I can't let that nostalgia bleed into my past relationships.

In any event I am in a new relationship now, which is altogether more rewarding, more intimate and more fulfilling than any of my past relationships have ever been. So that's a definite plus in my life.

Overall 2010 has treated me much better than 2009 did. The last few months of 2009 weren't particularly pleasant. I got sick multiple times between October and December, I was incredibly stressed out from my job and overall I just felt lethargic and unhappy.

This past weekend my sister got married, and the wedding was an incredible success. My family from my mom's side, dad's side and stepdad's side were all in attendance, the wedding itself was absolutely beautiful, everyone was emotional but happy, everyone had a great time dancing and mingling. Could not have been better.

Anyway, party weekend is over and I'm back at work (groan...), but overall I suppose things are nominally well. Let's see how long it takes me to update this again.

Oh.

So this blog has pretty much been relegated to nothing, so I figure I should at least attempt to keep it going to some degree.

Let's see, what is new with me...well I got a second promotion at work, and they're still not paying me properly for it and giving me about 10 times the responsibility. That's always fun. I got sick three times in the last two months. That was a lot of fun. Oh and I realized that I still might be in love with my ex-boyfriend.

Gee, it just gets better, doesn't it?

Concerning the last thing I just said, yes. I hung out with him (albeit with other people) a few weeks ago, for the first time in over a year and a half. We didn't get a chance to talk much, but there was a noticeably pleasant lack of tension between us. Then on Monday he came over to Brittany's Yule dinner, and that time we did get the chance to talk, to catch up, and even glossed over a few unresolved points in our history.

When I drove myself home that night, that's when it hit me. God dammit. I think I still have feelings for him. I don't know what it is. A few things in our conversation made me realize how he's changed and definitely matured in the two years since we dated. And a few things in our conversation made me realize why I was drawn to him in the very beginning. I like his humor, I like his interests, I like his soft-spoken sincerity, i.e. the fact that though he doesn't always say very much, every once in a while he shows a glimpse of what he really means or feels.

But then I don't know how to accept my feelings. Are they just remnants of nostalgia? Which means that since I haven't had the same strength of feelings for anyone since him, these recent developments aren't surfacing merely because he's strolled somewhat back into my life? Or is it something inside me that feels like we've grown and changed enough to possibly enjoy some sort of fruitful reunion? Or is this all just futile, wishful thinking?

Oy.

Wowza

Oh haaaaaaay.

Nobody reads this anymore :(

End of summer.

Summer vacation ("vacation") has come to an end. Back to school, back to the grind. I wish summer itself were actually over, because this heat has become unbearable. At least tomorrow is the start of September, which means we're that much closer to October.

Overall, it's been a fairly decent, though uneventful, summer. I had met a great guy at the start of it, but I realized after some time that I'm not really looking to date right now. I had a great birthday weekend- Friday's the night before, party with my family and then bowling that weekend. Going to trivia nights every Wednesday, though I think its appeal is starting to wear off. A fairly average summer, though, but nothing bad about it in the least.

A whole slew of plans for September and October, so at least that will keep me busy.

At Club 1830 I met Julius Caesar

I'm feeling lethargic, disinterested, unmotivated, disillusioned, hopeful but not expectant, and wishing that this weather would start to feel more like June for Christ's sake. I'm also feeling that I'm getting sick. I slept 10 hours today after being at work for nearly 30 hours total from Thursday through last night, but I've been averaging maybe six hours of sleep every night for the past week. No doubt that has contributed to my current under-the-weather state.

I'm feeling a great urge to isolate myself from people, and trying very hard to avoid doing so. The fact that I've been piled with so much work lately and then starting summer classes on Monday will certainly contribute to my unavailability to see many people. We'll see how this all pans out.

I have a feeling it's going to be a very interesting summer, one way or another.

.

Really trying not to be disillusioned or discouraged, but that's incredibly difficult at the moment. I just feel like no matter what I do, nothing ever seems to go right or according to my plans. That's life I suppose, but it's not like things ever go slightly off course and then somehow end up fine. Things go totally off course and then I'm back to fucking square one.

I don't know why I'm investing effort into a blog entry about this, I should be perfectly accustomed to this seemingly inescapable aspect of my life.