Oh.

So this blog has pretty much been relegated to nothing, so I figure I should at least attempt to keep it going to some degree.

Let's see, what is new with me...well I got a second promotion at work, and they're still not paying me properly for it and giving me about 10 times the responsibility. That's always fun. I got sick three times in the last two months. That was a lot of fun. Oh and I realized that I still might be in love with my ex-boyfriend.

Gee, it just gets better, doesn't it?

Concerning the last thing I just said, yes. I hung out with him (albeit with other people) a few weeks ago, for the first time in over a year and a half. We didn't get a chance to talk much, but there was a noticeably pleasant lack of tension between us. Then on Monday he came over to Brittany's Yule dinner, and that time we did get the chance to talk, to catch up, and even glossed over a few unresolved points in our history.

When I drove myself home that night, that's when it hit me. God dammit. I think I still have feelings for him. I don't know what it is. A few things in our conversation made me realize how he's changed and definitely matured in the two years since we dated. And a few things in our conversation made me realize why I was drawn to him in the very beginning. I like his humor, I like his interests, I like his soft-spoken sincerity, i.e. the fact that though he doesn't always say very much, every once in a while he shows a glimpse of what he really means or feels.

But then I don't know how to accept my feelings. Are they just remnants of nostalgia? Which means that since I haven't had the same strength of feelings for anyone since him, these recent developments aren't surfacing merely because he's strolled somewhat back into my life? Or is it something inside me that feels like we've grown and changed enough to possibly enjoy some sort of fruitful reunion? Or is this all just futile, wishful thinking?

Oy.

Wowza

Oh haaaaaaay.

Nobody reads this anymore :(

End of summer.

Summer vacation ("vacation") has come to an end. Back to school, back to the grind. I wish summer itself were actually over, because this heat has become unbearable. At least tomorrow is the start of September, which means we're that much closer to October.

Overall, it's been a fairly decent, though uneventful, summer. I had met a great guy at the start of it, but I realized after some time that I'm not really looking to date right now. I had a great birthday weekend- Friday's the night before, party with my family and then bowling that weekend. Going to trivia nights every Wednesday, though I think its appeal is starting to wear off. A fairly average summer, though, but nothing bad about it in the least.

A whole slew of plans for September and October, so at least that will keep me busy.

At Club 1830 I met Julius Caesar

I'm feeling lethargic, disinterested, unmotivated, disillusioned, hopeful but not expectant, and wishing that this weather would start to feel more like June for Christ's sake. I'm also feeling that I'm getting sick. I slept 10 hours today after being at work for nearly 30 hours total from Thursday through last night, but I've been averaging maybe six hours of sleep every night for the past week. No doubt that has contributed to my current under-the-weather state.

I'm feeling a great urge to isolate myself from people, and trying very hard to avoid doing so. The fact that I've been piled with so much work lately and then starting summer classes on Monday will certainly contribute to my unavailability to see many people. We'll see how this all pans out.

I have a feeling it's going to be a very interesting summer, one way or another.

.

Really trying not to be disillusioned or discouraged, but that's incredibly difficult at the moment. I just feel like no matter what I do, nothing ever seems to go right or according to my plans. That's life I suppose, but it's not like things ever go slightly off course and then somehow end up fine. Things go totally off course and then I'm back to fucking square one.

I don't know why I'm investing effort into a blog entry about this, I should be perfectly accustomed to this seemingly inescapable aspect of my life.

Things.

Much is going on in the next few weeks.

Monday: Work.
Tuesday: Disneyland with Stephanie to check out the fireworks and the new Fantasmic
Wednesday: Work.
Thursday: Work.
Beyond that I'm not sure of my schedule yet, but I'm fairly sure that it shall consist of work, work, work.

Then next Monday I start summer school...Monday through Thursday, in the evenings. And work in the mornings. That is what my summer shall primarily consist of. Which I'm actually content with, because I feel like I need to keep busy.

What else...I'm going to watch American Dad with Antonio and Brittany. Excuse me.

Hmm.

I have a sneaky suspicion that things aren't going to work out in the manner I had originally planned.

Not that they're forever done for, but just maybe delaying themselves a bit. Which is unfortunate.

Come crush me now.

Due to an unexpected chaotic period with his work, I haven't seen him in almost a month. He'll be free again starting this weekend, but because of my stupid work schedule I probably won't be able to see him until Wednesday or Thursday of next week, which would make it officially a full month since we last saw each other.

Blah. Sucks.

College here I come

Mark is going to Cal State Northridge in the fall. Following in his mommy and grandma's footsteps.

Thoughts on a Sunday

I've been thinking a lot about someone lately and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. I would say it's more of a nostalgia rather than any kind of longing or hopefullness. Which shouldn't be surprising, as I am a person that is very keen on memory, but it's kind of making me feel bizarre. I don't think I'd ever go out of my way to get in touch with this person, though. Just sort of keep it to my head.

So

The good news is, tonight is my last night doing graveyard shift. Praise the Lord.

In other news, I have a Disneyland annual pass now. Possibly the greatest investment I've made this year.

In other other news, I am still dating the guy I mentioned previously. Things are getting a bit hectic with both of our schedules, so that sometimes makes it hard. But each time we meet up with each other it feels like things are going well. Just continuing to see how it goes.

In other other other news, I want it to be summer. Sorta. Kinda.

So

The good news is, my life is going to somewhat get back to normal very soon, because I won't have to do graveyard shifts on Friday and Saturday nights within the next couple of weeks.

Thank the Lord. I'll have a life again.

Thoughts.

How do you draw the line between sensibility and just throwing caution to the wind? Sometimes you have to make that distinction - that sometimes you just have to bow to reason and accept a situation for what it is, but what do you do when your head and your heart are both nagging you in different directions? I'm not quite at this crossroad yet, but if things continue going in this manner, I know I'll have to make a decision.

So what do you do? What if the current circumstances are telling you that practically and rationally, maybe this just isn't going to work out right now? But what if your emotions are telling you that there's got to be a better reason to walk away from this? Busy schedules can make things complicated, but things like that can be worked out, can't they?

I guess the only thing I can do is wait and see how things go, and when it gets to that point then we'll address it.

New year...about a month late.

As some of you are probably aware by now, it's 2009. I'm about a month late in discussing the happenings of the new year, but, life happens.

The new year started off on a fun note, good drunk times with friends at the Oliphant house. Always a blast.

Surprise, surprise, it's a new year and I've already met a new guy, Andy. The first, even second time, that I hung out with him I wasn't too sure about us being anything more than friends. We clicked almost immediately in terms of our mutual interests and the nature of our conversations, but I just wasn't too sure about our chemistry. We've talked much more, online and on the phone, and hung out a handful of times throughout this month, and as a result I've started to feel more of an attraction to him. We're both trying to take things very slow at this point, though, so we'll see how things develop over the coming months and if this ends up becoming something more romantic or just something platonic.

I should be hearing from the schools I applied to in the next month or so; my fingers are crossed hardcore on that. I'm also going to Las Vegas in February with my parents, the twins and my grandparents for my sister's volleyball tournament. That should be a nice weekend get-away.

Also, I finally have a Disneyland season pass, so we can expect numerous excursions to the Maigc Kingdom throughout the year. The season pass is also scoring me a free tag-along to the twins' 17th birthday (17...holy mother of Jesus...) on April 21st, which I am quite excited about.

Anyway, that's about all I can think of for now.

War

Come crush me now, don't leave...

No one has won this war this time...

No, don't sleep tonight, alert and ready for fire

Don't leave me up all armed and ready to die...

Come on, it's war, come on

Come on, come on, come on

Come on, it's war, come on...

Please, I'm almost done

Don't retreat...I've unloaded my gun with blood

Why must you sleep?

Come crush me now, I'm armed and ready to die...

Come on, it's war, come on

Come on, come on, come on

Come on, fight me, come on

Come on, it's war, come on...

Heh.

It seems like I'm only updating once a month in this thing. But since Brittany nor Melissa nor Kenna update theirs very often, it doesn't leave me motivation to update mine either.

Anyway, Christmas is a week from today, though I consider my actual Christmas to be on Christmas Eve, therefore making it less than a week. Saturday afternoon we're putting together all the tamales, so on the 24th all we have to do is just toss them onto the stove and cook them. But we usually leave about a dozen that we actually put together on Christmas, since preparing the tamales a week before is considering cheating from the original traditions of my great-grandmother. Then again, if we were going to be sticklers about abiding by her traditions we'd all have to pray in front of a makeshift altar for about 2 hours. I think we're fine with just skipping that.

Getting ready for Christmas is fun. It's keeping me busy, and it's just nice to spend some extra time with the family. Work is all right, and I'm taking winter session so my winter break shall be a bit shorter. But Brittany and I are going beach camping at Carpinteria in January, which should result in two days of pure relaxation.

When I posted on here in October I talked about how I was playing the field, but all that has since blown over. James and I never went anywhere beyond texting, and I've gotten over my crush on Brian, though he's a great friend and we're trying to find time in our schedules to hang out. I'd like to meet some guys, but I'm sort of tired with meeting them over the Internet and I don't really care to go out to bars or parties. Oh well, I'll just focus on school and work and friends and family. Can't go wrong with that.

The haps.

1. Last time I posted I was "playing the field", so to speak. Nothing's really happening right now with anyone, which is fine. I'm just living and that's what counts.

2. Been working crazy hours at work...such as right now. Pulling graveyard shifts on Friday and Saturday nights. Downside- well, obviously doing a graveyard shift and the fact that it kills a lot of my weekend plans. Upside- it's $10.50 an hour during these shifts, as opposed to $9 an hour when I'm working regular daytime hours. Not a great difference but appreciated nevertheless.

3. The holidays are coming up. I'm hoping they'll be good, I think they'll be uneventful however. Same old stuff, which is fine.

4. Overall, life is all right. Nothing particularly noteworthy about it, but I'm having good times here and there, and nothing is particularly causing me stress (other than our hours at work have gotten cut and I'm fairly broke, but my grandparents have been sending me money which I can't be more grateful for). So I'm just doing my thing, trying to finish up school and transfer. 2009 might be a pretty hectic year for me, which I'm looking forward to.

Hello kids

Been a while since I made an actual update...but hi. Same old shennanigans going on here- school, work, being thankful that I have a job and am able to make my own money in this shit-tastic economy. Overall, nothing to complain about. Nothing to report home to, either, as in nothing exciting is really happening at the moment. Well, maybe not entirely true, as there are a couple of interesting developments with regard to my dating life. Let's review, shall we?

Number one, my situation with Brian. I do have a bit of a crush on Brian, I find him attractive and he's a fun guy to hang out with. I think my interest in him is starting to wane a bit, admittedly. Maybe it's because I'm sort of bored with trying to figure out the mixed signals I think he's sending. That could be it. Or maybe I just realize that though he is attractive (and let me tell you, the guy is a fox) and we do get along splendidly, maybe that spark just really isn't there. Nothing wrong with that, if anything he's become a great new friend since we got in contact again...now that I'm thinking more about it, it's becoming a bit more clear to me how I feel about him. It's totally fun to flirt with him, that I won't deny, but I think it probably is better to stay the "just friends" course on this one.

Now, number two. Recently, I've been talking with James, a guy that I went to high school with but haven't seen nor talked to since....well, since freshman year I believe. Melissa, Ashlee, Carly and myself were in the same math class with James our freshman year. Even though back then I definitely was in major self-denial about being attracted to guys, I do remember thinking he was cute. Melissa had a little crush on him too, which makes this quite amusing. Anyway, he added me on Myspace sometime last week, and I remembered him and was a bit surprised about it. So we started messaging back and forth, and after doing that for a couple of days we exchanged numbers and have since gone on to texting. It's pretty random, considering I've been trying to sort out this Brian situation since we all went to Knott's two weeks ago, but it's still kind of fun. From his Myspace pictures, James is still as cute as he was back in high school, and he does seem like a nice guy (it's been seven, almost eight years since I last talked to him, so it's practically like meeting a new person), so we'll see what happens. We're planning to meet up and hang sometime this week, so...let's just see how things play out.

Gosh I'm such a player these days...one guy to the next. Brian, Joey, now James. Oh well, I'm 22 years old, I'm single, and I'm not having sex with any of these guys so I'm not being a big manwhore over here. Just playing the field, keeping my options open.

In other news, Halloween is next week (!!!!) and Brittany's party is in five days (!!!!), which promises to be a grand old time like every year. Quite excited.

Though I believe in love, tell me can anything last forever?

Everything he does, better than anything ordinary
Everything he wants, he gets, 'cause everything he does is kind of necessary
Though I believe in love, tell me can anything last forever?
If life can live up to love, with my hand on my heart and I'm saying never

You're gonna make me, make me love you
Nothing at all, nothing that I do
The promise I made, promise I made
Is starting to fade, starting to fade
You're gonna make me, make me love you
Nothing at all, that I cannot do
The promise I made, promise I made
Is starting to fade, starting to fade

In other interesting news...

I went down to Hollywood last night on a motorcycle at 115 miles per hour.

Quite possibly the scariest/most fun thing I've done all summer.