Stay up 'til four in the morning, and the tears are pouring, and I want to make it worth the fight.

It's strange just how comfortable I feel right now. For so long, even when things were going great, I felt like there was something more I always had to strive for. Sometimes you should keep your aspirations high, but don't keep wishing things were better. Because you'll miss what's already in front of you. It's been so crazy these past months. Probably from about July 2006 onwards. I've noticed so many changes with myself, and for the first time in a long time I feel like I've grown significantly.

A lot of it had to do with my aunt's death. So much can change within such a short amount of time. February 2006 my aunt is diagnosed with cancer, and nine months later she is dead. How could any of us anticipated that?

You can't live life being bitter, putting people down, or worrying over insignificant things. I'm noticing that I do those things, and I'm trying to overcome that. Sure, there are people around me that I don't like, but at the end of the day what do I accomplish by bad-mouthing them? Absolutely nothing. I just need to accept their personalities and, if anything, just ignore them and keep being myself. And why be bitter? It's all right to be upset, but I have to learn to stop and think about just how monumental this setback is. If it's nothing that I'm going to care about two days from now, why should I be upset over it? And if it's not something I can brush under the rug, then address it and attempt to solve it.

I've also learned a lot since my cousin Sara had her baby. Seeing how little Elena has brought so much light to our family after we were grieving for my aunt is truly a miracle. My grandmother says that God planned it all out- my aunt and Elena were both born in January, and Elena was brought to us so soon after my aunt's death to remind us that life does go on in the face of death. That's a bit philosophical and religious for someone like me, but I completely agree with my grandmother.

I'm so happy with the people in my life. I've rekindled friendships over the past few months, and established new ones along the way. I couldn't be happier that people like Brittany, Pappas, Annie, Michael, Stevi, and others that I can't seem to think of right now are my closest friends...considering right after high school ended I felt like I had grown apart from most of them for good. It just goes to show that the people who are meant to be in your life are the ones that will make their way back when you least expect it. I'm so happy that I've met Brandon and that our lives have just fit together in the right places.

In short, do what makes you happy. Do what you feel is right for you, regardless of what other people say. Your friends and family are there to guide you and support you, but ultimately the decisions are sitting in your hands. Make the best of it. Laugh a lot. Travel. Be lazy more than once in a while. Eat a lot. Just live the way you want.

One step too far

I hate when I feel this way. Why do I have to work myself into hyperdrive when I ought to just be content and happy with how things are? I'm not UNhappy, but there's a nagging thought in the back of my head that can't seem to handle what's going on here. No one has ever loved me or cared for me the way he does, so there has to be a catch to all of this. What is that catch? I'm being stupid, but this is how I've always been. I just can't completely accept someone loving me. I always have to look for the "but". "He says he loves me, BUT..." - that's the conversation that always plays out in my head. What is that "but"? What is the catch? There shouldn't be one, because I know he's different than the others. I know he wouldn't play games with me. So why do I keep playing games with myself?

Life.

If I could map out the perfect life for myself, here's what it'd be like:



I'd be done with college, living a modest, comfortable life, with my husband (hopefully Brandon, but hey that can all change), with one kid, teaching history at a local college and doing my hobbies and spending time with my family and friends in my free time.



I used to think being successful was having an education, having an abundance of money, pushing yourself above and beyond expectations and winning universal admiration. Some of that can be attributed to success. But I used to think if I didn't get a high-paying job, didn't live in a huge house and didn't drive an expensive car, that I wouldn't be considered successful. Over the past year or so I've been changing that perception, and now my idea of being successful is different.

Being successful is doing exactly what I want to be doing, living the exact life I want to be living. I don't need to live in some seaside mansion or have three BMWs in the driveway. I just want to do something I'm passionate about, spending my life with the people I'm most passionate about. Waking up every morning and thinking to myself "I have exactly what I want", that equates success.

Don't panic, panic

All right. Here's the problem, America.

WHY DO YOU KEEP BUYING FERGIE'S MUSIC????

Let's take a look at how successful she has been on the U.S. singles chart...

"London Bridge" - #1
"Fergalicious" - #2
"Glamorous" -#1

NOTICING A TREND HERE? Her singles are doing very well in this godforsaken country. WHY? Everyone knows she's complete horse shit. Why encourage her? Because now she's got a new song called "Big Girls Don't Cry" and I swear to God if this becomes another "smash hit" I will find every person who downloaded/bought/requested this song and I will punch you in the womb. I don't care if you're a male and don't have a womb, I'll punch you so hard it'll make you wish you had a womb for me to punch.

If that made any sense...

Carry on.

This might be a bit TMI...

Do you ever notice that after having good and I mean REALLY good sex, you're just in an overall good mood? And you feel like eating candy? And just want to take a nap for a few hours? Yeah. Definitely how I feel right now.

I know you so want to hear this from me right now.

Stuff.

I've got Maroon 5's "Sunday Morning" stuck in my head.

Anyway.

I want to go to Disneyland SO bad. I just need to get my season pass. I should get my season pass when I take Brandon to Disneyland next month for his graduation. Yes. I should.

This weekend was pleasant. Worked on Friday and Saturday mornings. Friday evening I took Brandon and his friend Britney down to Hollywood, followed by a late dinner with Pappas, Michael, Antonio, Shane and Eddie (I could've done without Shane or Eddie, but whatever) and ended the night with Pappas, Brandon and myself visiting Brittany Oli. Saturday after work I visited the Oliphant woman at work, and we golf carted around Central Park. When she got off we had dinner at Mimi's Cafe, then went to Goodwill and Ross in attempts to find get-ups for the Rollerdisco party. We failed. But no matter, for we ended up frolicking at Bouquet Park with Erik and Chrissie. Followed by a trip to Saugus Cafe where we pretended to be British. I think our waitress thought we were on crack. We came back to Britt's house, I went to pick up Brandon from his friend's party, and when the two of us came back guess who unexpectedly came over from Michael's house? Eddie. So it was yet ANOTHER night of Eddie.

I don't hate him, I really don't. Anymore. I'm over the fued/rivalry we had in high school, I'll be civil with him, I can have a decent conversation with him. But frankly, I just can't stand his personality. Again, doesn't mean I hate him, but I just don't enjoy his company all that much. Brandon knew Eddie after Eddie got expelled from Saugus and went over to Valencia, and he can't stand him. So I know Brandon wasn't all too excited to have a second night of Eddie either. But what can you do? In the past I used to be a dick to him on purpose just to get a rise out of him, but nowadays I just sit back and keep my comments to myself. But still. He embodies everything that I try not to be as a gay man. He embodies the designer-obsessed, pretentious, ego-centric, morally bankrupt gay man that makes me want to slit my throat.

ANYWAY. We can move on from that. I'm just excited for summer. This has been such a crazy past few months, though 2007 is already 10,000 times better than 2006 ever was. Summer always makes things better, and I'm looking forward to taking a breather from school and just hanging out with my friends.

I love Brandon.

I love Brandon. I want to marry him. Not anytime soon. But eventually.

Yeah.

I haven't been this happy in a long time, but all the same it's still a bit uncertain. I don't doubt Brandon's feelings for me, and I trust him completely, but I guess I just still have some fears about being in a relationship. Which I think is understandable- I haven't been in one for over 3 years, and that last one wasn't even that meaningful to me. So really, this is the first relationship EVER (aside from my three year on/off whatever-the-hell-that-was with Matthew) where I've truly cared for and truly been in love with the other person, and not just some teenage, high school relationship.

I guess underneath the happiness I'm still a bit cautious, a bit unsure, but I'm not letting it affect me too much. I know I care for Brandon and I will do whatever it takes to make this relationship work. Who knows what will happen in the future, but for now this is what feels right and this is where I want to be.

I'm noticing just how different I'm acting in this relationship, compared to my other ones. The most obvious reason is the fact that I'm older, not in high school, and have matured since I was last in a relationship. I've also become more comfortable with myself over the past couple of years, and when I'm with Brandon I don't feel this other persona coming on, I'm just me. I'm probably more myself with him than I am with most other people, many of my closest friends included. I just don't feel as emotionally needy, or clingy, or (with some other relationships) just plain bored and wanting a boyfriend only for the sake of having a boyfriend. I feel alive, I feel empowered, I feel appreciated; most importantly, I feel loved. That's something I've been missing for a very long time. I feel loved by my friends and family every day, but to feel loved in this way is completely different. You know, LOVE love. And that void has been filled over the past two, almost three months.

End of April.

It is the last day of April, which means...we are just THAT much closer to summer. Just have to get through May and then it will be June, and life is always pretty damn good in the summertime.

Seriously, when I think about it, summer is always good for me. Even if not much else went right during previous years, I always can say that summer went well. Let's reflect...

2002: This was unquestionably the best summer of my life. Previously, it was the summer of 1998, which was the summer I graduated from sixth grade and basically spent every day with my cousins. But summer 2002 lives on as "that summer". Every day hanging out at either Brittany's house or Annie's house, we were old enough to drive but not old enough to get jobs yet, hahaha. So many awesome memories from that summer.

2003: I remember in one of my old Livejournal entries from this time, I mentioned that summer '03 wasn't terribly exciting. But now that I look back, it actually was a fun summer. Did another stint spotlighting for SCCMT, which was always fun, summer school was shockingly better than I thought. Oh and "Pirates of the Caribbean" came out, which I saw FIVE times in the theaters. Nothing major might have happened, but it was still fun.

2004: Summer 2004 was the ultimate summer- the summer after high school. It was the summer of the Posse, we were completely inseperable. It was the summer I turned 18, which (at the time) was a pretty big deal, and it was my first trip to Hawaii. Which ended up being the best vacation I've ever been on. If 2002 was the best summer, and 1998 was originally the best summer, then 2004 comes in third.

2005: Like 2003, I remember thinking when it was over that summer 2005 was kind of boring. But recently I was hanging out with Leslie, and we both agreed that summer 2005 was actually a great summer. Lauren and Leslie had moved into their apartment, which provided the ultimate hang-out for the Posse. I had started hanging out with Brittany and that whole group again- we had a kick ass Fourth of July barbecue. Stephanie and I started being friends that summer. Stephanie, AJ, Brent, Melissa and myself all hung out a lot. I had my awesome 19th birthday party at my house- definitely the best party I've had. My grandparents' 50th anniversary was the weekend after that, and the weekend after THAT I went to Vegas with my parents and the twins. So it was definitely a great summer.

2006: As of right now, I don't look back on 2006 as a good year. Started off with the discovery of my aunt's tumor in February, losing my job in May, being broke and jobless for the first half of the summer, then recovering slightly in the fall only to get worse when my aunt died in November, and then a couple financial problems along the way. But summer was actually not that bad. Even if I didn't have a job until July and didn't have much money to spend as a result, it was actually nice to be kind of lazy. Also, my summer school class with Alyse and Lauren ended up being kind of fun, and though the barbecue I had at my house turned into me getting frustrated and angry with my siblings, it was still nice to have a bunch of my friends together. And my 20th birthday dinner at BJ's was fun also. So back to my original point- even if the entire year was overall crappy, summer is still a rather bright spot.

It looks like this summer should be another good one. It's already going well- I finally have a relationship that is going just awesome. I'll be turning 21, and I'm looking forward to having an awesome time with my friends and my boyfriend.

Family.

Just a few things on my mind.

After Brandon told his mom about his relationship with me, it really made me think- if he cares about me that much to want to include his family on this, then why shouldn't I be able to do the same with mine? Since I'm at work right now and don't have time to talk on the phone, I decided to email my sister Stephanie and tell her about me and my relationship with Brandon. So really, it's my first official formal declaration to a member of my family other than my parents about my sexuality. I assume they all know, that's not something I deny in the least, but I've never actually said "Hey Stephanie, or Hey Peter, I like dudes". But I know I can talk to Stephanie about a lot of things. I tend to underestimate her, because a lot of times I look at her as being kind of dumb, which is awful and I need to not think that way. She's my sister, and though she might not be necessarily intellectually gifted, she is a genuine, sincere person. What she lacks in smarts, she makes up for with her heart, and I feel like when it comes to personal issues she has surprisingly good insight. So that's why I felt like she is the first person in my family to go to. Plus, she works with my mom and is with her more than anyone else (other than my dad, obviously), and I want to know how she thinks my mom would feel about this. I want my mom to know about my relationship and to see how happy I am, and to see what a great person he is, and I think my sister can give me good insight into how my mom might take it. We'll see.

Smiles.

I had a very nice Sunday. It was my brother and sister's birthday on Saturday, so yesterday they had a bowling party. Each of them had a few friends there, my grandparents were there, my Aunt Dede and my cousin Erica were there, and my sister and her boyfriend also. It ended up being a fun time. I like spending time with my family...as crazy as they drive me sometimes, in the end I love them to death and they are a lot of fun.

Then afterwards, I came home for a little bit, fed my brother, then went and got Brandon. Earlier that day he said he had something to tell me, and it was good news. So what's the good news? He told his mom that morning about us. He told her we were in a relationship and we were getting pretty serious, and that she was completely fine with it. In fact, she said that I would be welcome to come over and she would love to meet me. So after we went to Border's so he could spend a gift card, he called his mom and asked if I could come for dinner. And she said yes. I was completely surprised at how it went. I was thinking she would be really skeptical about me, would be analyzing me top-to-bottom or would be kind of cold and awkward, but she turned out to be very friendly and very welcoming. Brandon and I hung out in his room for most of the night, and she had no problem with that. I think I made a good impression. As usual I was polite, well-mannered, thanked her twice for dinner. She said if there was something I didn't like I didn't have to eat it, but I told her all of it was very good and I cleaned out the entire plate, so I think that was another point-scorer. Overall a very nice day, started with my family and ended with my boyfriend. Couldn't ask for anything better.

ALSO! In about an hour I am heading over to a job interview. It's with this interior design company and they're looking for an office assistant to the designers, so we'll see how that goes. Wish me luck! Hopefully they'll pay very well so I can quit the Hilton and not work shit hours and make more money.

Another update.

Today is my first day off this week, which is nice. I spent the afternoon with my love Brandon, who is currently in his ROP class. It's kind of weird how this relationship is coming along, though that's an entirely good type of weird. I'm just not used to this, having someone that I care about and having them care about me right back. But it's awesome, for a severe lack of a better word. He told me he loves me, and at first I thought it was too soon for that (only been two months, come on now). But the more I thought about it, and when I thought of his absolute sincerity when he said it, I realized it doesn't matter how long it's been. When you know, you just know. Since we've taken our time with everything so far, it feels like now we're done with holding back and there's no need for us to keep testing the waters with each other. We both know we're in love, as crazy as it might sound. We just know it.

He told me he's thought about what it would be like if we lived together. Don't get me wrong, we're not planning on this soon (again, it's only been two months), but if we're together a year from now, we would both be more than ready to move in with each other. It's just weird how this all is taking off. One minute I'm completely single, no plans for a serious relationship of any kind, and now here I am talking about moving in with my boyfriend. It's crazy, but all the same it just feels right. It feels so natural, like he was the person I have been supposed to meet all this time. Without a doubt, this is already the most serious relationship I've ever been in, and it's my first adult relationship, away from high school (well, for me anyway, considering he's still IN high school for another month and a half).

So I don't know what's going to happen, but it's fun nonetheless to play with ideas and just have fun with it. For example, if we move in together in about a year, I'll more than likely be getting ready for Fullerton and he wants to go to FIDM. So we could move down to Orange County (Stevi goes to FIDM and she lives in Irvine, so clearly it's do-able). Even if I'm not accepted to Fullerton just yet, I'd still move and finish up the necessary classes at a JC down in Orange County. AGH. This is so crazy, but it's just fun to think about. Imagine me, living down in Orange County, with my boyfriend, just doing what I think is right for me. I think that's the reason why I'm so into this relationship, because it's so not what's expected of me.

Stuff.

I'm at work right now on my break. Just waiting for it to be 9:30 already so I can high-tail it over to Brittany's house and party on down with my friends.

I hate when there's something I'm really excited about, i.e. this party tonight, and I'm stuck at work. It makes it go by even slower. Anyway, it should be an awesome night. I made two kick-ass party mixes which I think everyone will enjoy. Everyone will at least like a handful of all these songs. A bit of pop, a bit of rap, a bit of indie rock, a few old school jams from the '80s and '90s, a bit of British pop that I love. Should be good fun. I think it's a very well-rounded mix.

Anyway, Brandon is my boyfriend now. I'm excited about that. How much of a pathetic dork am I? I was excited about being able to change my Myspace to "in a relationship" for the first time ever. Wow. That's when you know the Myspace generation has gone too far.

Still weighing my options with school. I really just want to take this summer off and not go back in the fall. I just have no desire whatsoever to do school this year. Next winter for sure, I'm absolutely going back and going back with a vengeance to kick ass and get my ass into Fullerton. Right now I just know I don't have my focus on it and I know I won't do good if I keep spinning my wheels just coasting through. I really do need a break. It's not like I'm 25 and I've been at COC for six years. I think I can allow myself at least one break to prepare for the long haul.

School.

I'm just really burnt out on school right now. I've always told myself that I would never drop out of school or stop going at any time, but honestly I'm just not into it. I really want to be financially secure, and I definitely don't feel like I am at the moment. I have so much I have to pay for- my car, insurance, gas, phone bill, paying my parents for keeping my gym membership. And I know much of them are things I can do without, i.e. the gym membership or having such an expensive car payment, but at the same time those are things I WANT to keep. I like my car, so I'd rather keep that and make the high payments. I like having a gym membership, so I'd rather keep that and pay my parents $30 a month to keep going and keep my body in shape (besides, $30 a month for a gym membership is not bad at all).

The issue with school is I just don't have my heart set on it at this present time. I know I want to finish college and it's something I will definitely do, but honestly I just want to breathe, save up some money, come up with a plan and then go back to school when I feel ready and when I feel organized. I just don't feel organized in that department right now.

Just because I'm taking some time off does not mean I'm never going back to school. At the most, it would only be a semester. I would just like to work a lot, save up money, so that when I do go back I just finish up the classes I need, apply to the universities, and then I'll have money saved up so that I can pay as much as I can for the university and also to move out when I transfer. I don't feel prepared to transfer, and I truly think I need a break to clear my head, get my focus back on school and get my finances straight so that I'll be ready for the university.

Rundown of America's Top 10 Singles.

1. Akon "Don't Matter" = Crap.
2. Gwen Stefani featuring Akon "The Sweet Escape" = Crap.
3. Mims "This Is Why I'm Hot" = Crap.
4. Fergie "Glamorous" = Crap.
5. Avril Lavigne "Girlfriend" = SHOULD BE CRAP, but actually, I'm slightly starting to like it. Dear Lord what the shit is wrong with me?!?! First I'm liking the new Hilary Duff song, now I might be showing affectations for Avril?!?!?!?! I need to die.
6. Beyonce and Shakira "Beautiful Liar" = Crap.
7. Gym Class Heroes "Cupid's Chokehold" = Crap.
8. Justin Timberlake "What Goes Around...Comes Around" = Slightly crap. Mostly because I don't like "ballads".
9. Daughtry "It's Not Over" = Kind of crap.
10. Diddy featuring Keyshia Cole "Last Night" = Never heard it, but it's definitely got to be crap.

What have we learned this week? People named Akon are inexplicably on top of the charts lately, despite overwhelming evidence that they are absolute shit. And Avril Lavigne needs to not put out a good song because I cannot afford to have my preserved opinion of her shot down.

Push the button.

I think this song just kind of describes how I'm feeling at the moment. It's nothing bad, because I'm very happy at the moment. Just something on my mind I feel like expressing.

Sugababes "Push the Button"

Busy throwing hints that he keeps missing
Don't have to think about it, I want to kiss and everything around it
But he's too distant
I want to feel his body, I can't resist it
I know my hidden looks can be decieving
But how obvious should a boy be?
I was taken by the early conversation piece
And I really like the way that he respects me

I've been waiting patiently for him to come and get it
I wonder if he knows that he could say it and I'm with it
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Catch this opportunity so you and me could feel it, cos

If you're ready for me, boy
You better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

I'm busy showing him what he's been missing
I'm kind of showing off, want his full attention
My sexy ass has got him in the new dimension
Ready to do something to relieve this mission

After waiting patiently for him to come and get it
He came on through and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it, cos

If you're ready for me, boy
You better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

I'm telling you, this song perfectly describes what I'm thinking right now. Last night we spent the night together and talked for a bit about us. We both agreed that we kind of liked not having a title, that what's going on between us is just going the way it's going. I'm realizing now that wanting to have him as my boyfriend is just a form of insurance on my part- if he's my boyfriend then he's attached to me. Now, it's not important, because I know he cares about me and I know we have something special that neither of us want to walk away from.

This post, however, is the little devil inside of me that just wants him to get nasty with me for Christ's sake. We don't even have to have sex, dammit just a prolonged, intense make-out session will more than satisfy me.

Current Headlines in the World of Pop.

Big shocker- Girls Aloud and Sugababes got to No.1 this week. The good news? It IS Girls Aloud AND the Sugababes at No.1. The bad news? It’s a rather terrible song they’ve done together. How do we handle this? Applaud our two favorite groups for reaching the top, or think “well this was easy because it’s a charity single though it’s complete crap”? What are we to do with ourselves? THIS IS MAKING ME UPSET AND I’M NOT SURE I CAN TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW.

Fergie and Kimberley Walsh have both been naughty drunkards this past week. Fergie got her collagen self thrown off a Virgin Airlines flight for being too rowdy, while Kimberley passed right the fuck out in the middle of a nightclub and had to be carried by her boyfriend. I’m sure mothers are very proud.

Frankly I could give a rat’s ass that all these people are concerned with Joss Stone’s “new direction”. Her new hair is atrocious, her song is barely a song, she’s not Aretha Franklin she’s a 12-year-old hippie child from England so we can stop with all these comparisons. It just isn’t going to happen.

Fergie’s “Glamorous” got to No.1 in the United States. I think my ears just bled.

When the HELL is the new Kylie Minogue album coming????? Priority One, people!!!!!

It's that time again- some new songs you will surely love.

Dragonette - I Get Around
If you keep tabs on Popjustice at all, then you've heard of this group. If you haven't and you keep tabs on Popjustice, you're clearly not even reading anything on there. Anyway, they are Canadian, doing electropop (what?!?!) and they are quite possibly the best new group of this year SO FAR. I KNOW IT'S MARCH SO THAT STATEMENT MIGHT BE PREMATURE. This song is quite good. It's about being a slut and it's got some great beats, some dirty little synths, some guitars- everything you'd expect in a decent electro song these days. Ch-ch-ch-check it out.

Sophie Ellis Bextor - Catch You
Murder On the Dancefloor? Groovejet? Mixed Up World? Nope. Sounds nothing like them, but her voice is still the slightly monotone, slightly snobbish thing you've come to know and love. It's another electro cut (come on, this trend has been going on since 2004 and probably won't end anytime soon) and is quite good. She discusses all the places she hides (in keychains, in the mirror, in the morning paper...she's a flexible gal isn't she?) and essentially is the dance floor equivalent of The Police's "I'll Be Watching You" in terms of the singer being a complete stalker. Except Puff Daddy won't be sampling this, and boy is she counting her lucky stars.

Hellogoodbye - I Saw It On My Keyboard
It's not a single from their completely wonderful Aliens! Vampires! Zombies! Paris Hilton! (just kidding...I'm actually not sure of the official title) album, but it's my favorite track aside from "Here In Your Arms" and I'm suggesting you go and download it. It's exactly what the title implies- the song exists around one great, very 80s keyboard riff. You shall love it. I command you to.

Groove Armada feat. Mutya Buena - Song for Mutya
It's a lame title, but luckily it's the best thing a dance floor will have heard since Jamelia's "Beware Of the Dog". Popjustice is hyping the hell out of this song, and they have every right to. Point one- Groove Armada. Point two- Mutya, aka ex-Sugababe. Point three- nice dance song. There you go. Home run.

Not so good songs...
Fergie "Glamorous" - We don't need to discuss why this is bad. It's all too obvious.
Gym Class Heroes "Cupid's Chokehold" - Bad. Very very bad.
Avril Lavigne "Girlfriend" - THE FACT THAT IT'S AN AVRIL LAVIGNE SONG IMMEDIATELY PLACES IT INTO THE SHITBIN.

There we have it.

I Bet That Something Kinda Ooooh Looks Good On the Dancefloor.

According to Sarah Harding, aka Blondie McBlonderson of our beloved Girls Aloud, they will be working with the Arctic Monkeys on a new song for their fourth album which will HOPEFULLY and at the mercy of the Lord be released this year because quite frankly I can't go another year without some new Girls Aloud material.

This is another genius idea, but just like the Sugababes collaboration was a genius idea it turned into a rather embarrassing affair much like walking in on your older sister taking off her bra. Just uncomfortable all around. However, the difference between your sister's bra and "Walk This Way" is the latter is still potentially a guilty pleasure, whereas your sister's bra is just downright frightening.

Bored at work. What's new?

Yeah, nothing really to update on. The boy situation is still continuing. We hang out pretty much every day, and when we haven't it's been for one day out of about three or four days in a row. Over the past week- hung out with him last Tuesday, then again on Wednesday for about 20 minutes, then again on Thursday night, then again on Friday night after Stephanie and I got out of the movies, then again on Saturday night, yesterday we didn't, but today we did. This is the third week I've known him, and within three weeks there's probably been only three or four days total where we haven't seen each other. It's kind of nice. Normally I'd be saying this is overkill, but we are so laid back and so chill with each other that it doesn't feel like we're spending TOO much time together. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it just feels like it's going right.

That said, I'm doing pretty well in school right now. WAY better than last semester. I took a huge nosedive last semester, though I feel like I had justifiable reasons. I'm not one to make an excuse, and I know I shouldn't have put school aside as much as I did, but with everything that happened with my aunt, driving back and forth to Bishop every other weekend for about two months straight, not sleeping well, and the financial problems I had towards the end of last year, it just all took its toll. But this semester I feel refreshed, I feel like winter break was a very successful and much needed breather. Overall, things have worked out.

Examples of positive things currently happening:
1. Working out. I'm definitely noticing more muscle building, especially in my legs (finally). So that's doing a lot for my confidence.
2. School. Keeping up, starting assignments IN ADVANCE. What a novel concept, eh?
3. The boy. Yeah, it's always nice to have one of those. Especially in this case where it's just going at its own pace, no rushing, no expectations. It feels so different from everything else boy-related in the past...and that's a good kind of different.
4. Music. This might sound weird, but seriously the music I've been listening to lately has been keeping my spirits up. Over the past couple of years I've been getting into this indie, experimental mix of electro, ambient, indie rock, etc etc etc (with the exception of my obsession with Girls Aloud that started around this time last year), and I enjoy it all but it's kind of depressing stuff to listen to. Recently I've been listening to a lot of the old dance songs that were popular back when I was in high school, and it's all cheery, upbeat, good party music. Seriously, music can totally have that effect on me. It's definitely working.
5. Friends. The past couple weeks I haven't seen many friends due to all the time I've been spending with Brandon, but I won't make this a permanent habit and I'm so excited for everything we have planned this year.

Overall, a smile. The only negative part of my life currently is my job, which I hate. I used to be indifferent about it- didn't like it, but didn't hate it, because I absolutely love my co-workers. But now I just hate it. I still love my co-workers, and when I quit I wish I could take all of them with me to whichever job I get next, but still. I just can't stand it anymore. Blah.