Oh.

So this blog has pretty much been relegated to nothing, so I figure I should at least attempt to keep it going to some degree.

Let's see, what is new with me...well I got a second promotion at work, and they're still not paying me properly for it and giving me about 10 times the responsibility. That's always fun. I got sick three times in the last two months. That was a lot of fun. Oh and I realized that I still might be in love with my ex-boyfriend.

Gee, it just gets better, doesn't it?

Concerning the last thing I just said, yes. I hung out with him (albeit with other people) a few weeks ago, for the first time in over a year and a half. We didn't get a chance to talk much, but there was a noticeably pleasant lack of tension between us. Then on Monday he came over to Brittany's Yule dinner, and that time we did get the chance to talk, to catch up, and even glossed over a few unresolved points in our history.

When I drove myself home that night, that's when it hit me. God dammit. I think I still have feelings for him. I don't know what it is. A few things in our conversation made me realize how he's changed and definitely matured in the two years since we dated. And a few things in our conversation made me realize why I was drawn to him in the very beginning. I like his humor, I like his interests, I like his soft-spoken sincerity, i.e. the fact that though he doesn't always say very much, every once in a while he shows a glimpse of what he really means or feels.

But then I don't know how to accept my feelings. Are they just remnants of nostalgia? Which means that since I haven't had the same strength of feelings for anyone since him, these recent developments aren't surfacing merely because he's strolled somewhat back into my life? Or is it something inside me that feels like we've grown and changed enough to possibly enjoy some sort of fruitful reunion? Or is this all just futile, wishful thinking?

Oy.