Poof.

Oh goodness. What a hectic couple of weeks it has been since I last updated. What with school starting and trying to adjust to this new schedule, it's at least been keeping me busy. Which was something that I was wishing for towards the end of the summer break.

So since I last updated, things have improved wonderfully between Brandon and myself. That talk that we had on that one Saturday night really did bring a lot of things to light, and it's good to see that we're both sticking to the things we discussed. In just two weeks it already feels like we've taken big steps forward, so that's good.

School is not bad...but then again it is only the first week. It's kind of interesting having night classes. I definitely like having work and THEN school, because I feel like I can unwind at school, I don't have to be in work-mode, and I enjoy being in class and being in the school mindframe. I'm finding that I'd rather end my day with school than with work.

Anyway, just trying to work a lot and save up some money. Having to pay for my classes and my books this semester was harder than I thought. Mostly because books are so fucking expensive. Brittany and I decided that we want to aim for moving out together in the beginning of 2008, so I'm trying to focus my finances on that. Going to Las Vegas a month from now for my stepdad's annual family reunion, so that's exciting considering I haven't actually gone out of town in a long time. Well, if you count going up north to see my aunt numerous times last fall, but that wasn't exactly a vacation obviously.

That is all for now.

Can we bring yesterday back around? Cos I know how I feel about you now

I've been on an emotional rollercoaster the past nine hours. Brandon and I had a very serious argument/conversation last night, and we got a huge amount of feelings, thoughts, insecurities, and one pretty big confession out in the open. At the end of it, we both agreed that we were on a clean slate and it feels like things will be fine from here and much better than they have been recently.

There is still a small part of me that feels haunted by one of these things. I will stand by him, and we both want to move forward and continue growing, but as of right now I still can't completely shake it. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I won't let this be the end of our relationship, because we have come too far in such a short amount of time to let something that truly was a mistake bring this all to an end. I just need a few days to process this, and I'll be fine.

Still, I feel like crying. I keep thinking about the days when we first met and when everything was still so new between us, and how much fun we'd have and how exciting it was at the idea of new love. I know we can bring ourselves back to those days, but just for right now I feel vulnerable and a bit sad. I won't give up on him though, and I won't give up on us. We'll find the way back to the right path, and we'll continue going wherever and however long it takes us.

Just some lyrics about how I feel right now-
It was so easy that night
Shoulda been strong, yeah I lied
Nobody gets me like you do
I know everything changes
All the cities and faces
But I know how I feel about you
Can we bring yesterday back around
'cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb I was wrong
I let you down
But I know how I feel about you now
All that it takes, one more chance
Don't let our last kiss be our last
Give me tonight, and I'll show you
I know everything changes,
I don't care where it takes us
'cause I know how I feel about you
Can we bring yesterday back around
'cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb I was wrong
I let you down
But I know how I feel about you now
Not a day passed me by, not a day passed me by
When I don't think about you
And there's no moving on, 'cause I know you're the one
And I can't be without you
Can we bring yesterday back around
'cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb I was wrong
I let you down
But I know how I feel about you now
Can we bring yesterday back around
'cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb I was wrong
I let you down (I let you down)
But I know how I feel about you now
But I know how I feel about you now
Yeah I know how I feel about you now

A couple of times lately I've wondered whether I should walk away from this, and last night for a small second I truly felt like I might lose him. And that feeling scared me and saddened me so much. But if it's not worth crying over, then is it really worth anything? We feel frustrated and we feel sad because we know that it's worth it.